Here is a sample agenda and suggestions for holding a family meeting that you can adapt to fit your family.
The purpose of a specific family meeting can range from planning routine events to dealing with an immediate crisis. Family meetings are most successful when they are held on a regular basis, but they can be beneficial whenever they are needed. In general, the purpose is to provide effective communication that includes all members of the family. They depend on voluntary participation. The following guidelines can help.
- Keep it positive.
You are much more likely to gain everyone’s cooperation if it is a positive, upbeat, and productive process. Avoid any negativity. If unpleasant topics need to be addressed, keep them as objective as possible without any blaming or accusations. Use vocabulary that unifies, such as “we”, “all of us”, “We’re all in this together.” etc. Promote teamwork and cooperation. Begin or end with some refreshment or mutually enjoyable activity. Be generous throughout with compliments, positive recognition, expressions of love and appreciation.
- Encourage all members, but keep participation voluntary.
Make sure everyone who lives in the house and whoever else may be involved is invited. Most often you are addressing issues that only involve immediate family members. However, if you are addressing a multigenerational issue, such as the care of an aging parent, adult children will need to be present regardless of where they live. While attendance should be encouraged, allow members to participate as they choose. Some may want to take an active role in the meeting, while others prefer to be silent partners or even not attend but abide by whatever decisions are made. Make sure everyone has a voice, an opportunity to express their needs and opinions, either openly in the meeting or individually outside of the meeting. Accept whatever level of participation each member chooses.
- Be flexible with the meeting place, make it fun.
Flexibility will be important to meet the variety of personality styles that will be present. While the living room or around the dining room table may be the most logical setting, allow for some variety. Family meetings can also be held around a campfire, any venue during a family vacation, in the car during a long drive, in a park, or in a favorite place to eat out. Family members could take turns deciding where the next family meeting will be held.
- Share the responsibilities.
In addition to deciding where the meeting will be held, family members could take turns leading or conducting the meeting. Young children can be taught to follow an agenda and make sure all members have an opportunity to express their opinion and participate in the discussion. Minutes can be recorded by paper and pencil or maintained in a word processing file. It may be beneficial to maintain a family calendar. That could be another responsibility that is shared. Someone could also be given the assignment of planning some type of refreshment or fun activity as part of the meeting. If your family enjoys music, there could even be a song or musical performance.
- Be creative with the agenda, shorter is better.
The agenda will be the backbone of the meeting. It sets a definite time limit and keeps the meeting focused, productive and flowing. It is always better to have participates wanting to prolong the meeting rather than wishing it would end. Keep it simple. Avoid the temptation to focus on problems. Take time to celebrate successes, however small. Here is one suggestion and a sample agenda form.
Agenda:
What went well- (individual or family achievements, successes, progress, follow-up from last meeting)
Upcoming needs- (appointments, challenges, scheduling, concerns)
Major issues- (brainstorm solutions, outline plan of action, set a time limit if necessary)
Assignments- (related to major issue, chores, cooking, cleaning, yard care)
Appreciation- (group hug, high fives, compliments, family cheer, whatever ends the meeting on a positive note)
